Working in the Market
by spelerison
Summary: They're some of the best... may very well be the best. Surely they can handle a few days work in a Supermarket, Right? Humoress team fic! No pairings this time.
1. Chapter 1

**Working in the Market**

Their latest job had them taking over a small super market.

The plan was to take business away from their marks' father's shop so he'd come out of hiding and possibly make himself a little more touchable.

Thing was things rarely ever went according to plan...

"What do you mean it's still fatty?" Eliot all but growled as he glared at a thirty some year old woman from behind the meat counter.

"I mean.." She spoke slowly clearly thinking him stupid. "I want you to cut off *all* the fat.." She dared smile at him. "You know all those white bits."

"Where do you think the moisture comes from?" He grumbled as he pulled the package back toward himself. "But by all means if you want your steak to be as tough as fried sneakers."

"Did you say something?" She questioned knowingly.

With a shit faced smile and a tightened grip on a newly found cleaver he offered, "Yes ma'am."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Over in another corner of the store Parker was having her own troubles at "Customer Service"

"Can I help you?" It was the last thing she wanted to do but the other choices had been even worse.

"Yes... I was wondering if I could get a rain check for the dill pickles you have on sale... the guy in back said you're out and wont be getting more until after the sale ends."

"There's no more pickles back there?" Parker was skeptical of that.

"Only whole ones... I wanted the spears." The guy offered matter of factly.

"Do you not own a knife?" He looked taken aback. "Really man.. get the whole ones and cut them in fourths, then you'll have your spears!"

"Excuse me?"

"Hey sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.." Parker shrugged as he stormed off.

Seconds later the phone rang and she answered with a monotone, "Thank you for calling Fred's Fresh mart, This is Mandy speaking.. now what do you want?"

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"Hello" Sophie smiled brightly from behind her cash register. "Did you find everything alright today?"

"I sure did." An elderly woman smiled as she began taking things out of her cart.

"That's good, any coupons today?"

"No not today."

"Would you like help putting things up?" Sophie questioned as a glance to the right told her she had a bit of a line forming.

"No thank you dear."

Five minutes later she had finally been given the last of the groceries to scan and was now waiting on the woman to pay. "You know what.." Sophie offered as the woman victoriously showed that she had found another... penny! "I didn't even notice until now, you are the hundredth customer. It's on the house!"

If she thought it would get the woman moving any faster she thought wrong as she began crying out her thank you's.

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"What aisle are the vegetable chips in?" Hardison nearly dropped his box of soups for the sudden noise behind his right ear. "The chip aisle?"

"You see that's what I thought but I didn't find them there."

"I'm pretty sure that's where they are." Hardison offered again as he set his box down.

"So you don't know then?" The accusation was annoying as hell.

"Tell you what.. lets go look together and see if we can't find 'em."

"I don't want an escort just a location.  
How do you even have a job here if you don't know where your items are?"

"I jus.." He was momentarily shocked into silence.

Shaking her head she walked away with a mumbled, "They might as well have hired a monkey."

"I..." He was so flustered he couldn't even respond accurately.

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"Do I have any microwavable pork chops!" He couldn't believe his ears.

"Yeah.. I found the microwavable burgers, and the chicken patties... I was just wondering if you had any pork products for the microwave."

"Boy.." The things he had heard so far were pretty up there but this had to take the cake. "Go on.. just... go.. get out of here." Still he stared until Eliot barked. "Get!"

"Microwavable pork chops?" His assistant butcher just shook his head as Eliot watched the boy go. "There's a kid making his mama proud."

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"You need help with something?" Parker questioned through a mouth full of gum.

"My wine bottle dropped outside the doors and the cart boy said you'd be able to replace it for me."

"Let me get this right.." Parker started as the woman pushed her receipt over. "*You* broke *your* wine bottle outside but you want *me* to replace it?"

"Yeah it was a.." Parker pulled the receipt away from her as the woman pointed toward her purchase.

"I don't care what it was.. you ever heard of you break it you buy it?  
You bought it, you broke it, your problem not mine." She didn't understand why these people thought they should be reimbursed for their clumsiness.

"You know what, I'd like to speak to your manager."

"Sure.. no problem, I'll get right on that." Parker rolled her eyes as she lifted the phone. "Hey Na.. Max there's a..." She listened for a moment before hanging up the phone. "He said to tell you... I mean he's not here right now."

She didn't see why but she would have sworn the lady's eyes were about to pop out of her head as she stormed away. "You have a nice day!"

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"And how are you today sir?" Sophie forced a smile as she tried to ignore the aching of her feet and the itching of the cheap polo she'd been forced to wear.

"I've got a question for you."

She sighed inwardly in preparation, "Ask away."

"These cans here are 89 cents each" He started as he put three cans of diced tomatoes on the conveyor belt. "But this can here is the same amount for $2.59."

"So you want three cans for the price of one?" Sophie tried to understand a question he hadn't actually asked.

"Either way it's 64oz. but this way I'd save 8 cents."

"So why not just get the big can?" He looked absolutely insulted.

"Because I need three littler ones!"

Taking a closer look at the cans Sophie sighed again this time outwardly, "But there not even the same brand."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

"No running in the store!" Alec called after some unruly kids before going to pick up the card stand they had knocked over.

He hadn't even gotten half finished before they were zooming back around the corner. "Hey no..."

"running in the store!" They mocked before running away in an echo of their own laughter.

"Damn kids." Hardison grumbled as he absently wondered what kind of parents were raising such little monsters. "They got no respect for nothin'."

"James why isn't aisle four stocked yet?" His floor manager came out of nowhere more demanding than questioning.

"Cause I was taking inventory in aisle three." Did he not remember ordering him to do that very thing not twenty minutes ago.

"I don't want excuses just results.. now get to it!" It took a clenched fist and a bitten lip to hold his thoughts in but he mostly managed.

"Hey James!" Hardison turned to look at the only guy that had treated him decently since his arrival.

"Yeah Billy?" He questioned as he moved toward him.

"I'm gonna be breaking but I pulled your load around.. it's waiting for ya."

"Thanks man." Hardison clamped a hand on the guys shoulder in appreciation before moving to start his task.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

As active manager Nate was doing store rounds to see how his associates and more importantly team were doing.

Produce seemed all neat and clear.

Bakery looked as smooth as the icing on the cakes.

Seafood... the product really looked like it had been swimming mere hours ago.

Now Customer Service was a different story entirely.  
He had walked past just as Parker wished a crying customer a good day.  
He could only hope she hadn't caused those tears.

Then came the front end where Sophie was doing her best to keep manners as she was chewed out for trying to enforce the rules of the sales paper. He had to hand it to her for actually caring and not simply giving the store away.

He wasn't worried about the meat department... that was until he found Eliot threatening to deep fry some guys face if he dared to try deep frying veil. It took a months worth of coupons and a free chuck roast to defuse that situation.

Grocery was last to check but he couldn't seem to find Hardison.  
He was hoping it was because he was so hard at work but he doubted he'd get that lucky.

No one he asked seemed to know so he simply started a floor search.  
He had passed eight aisles before his eyes finally landed on the figure he had been searching for.  
They also settled on the little boy that was intently creeping behind him.

Before he could usher a warning the little boy shouted "Boo" punching Hardison in the back of the knee as he did so.  
Within seconds he was tumbling off his step stool, falling to the floor with a barely there, "oof."

Nate didn't even bother going his way as he shook his head and continued on.

It was probably for the best those four never had real 9-5's.

* * *

**E/N: Any of you worked retail?  
You're the one's that know exactly where I'm coming from, lol.  
Hope you got a laugh!**


	2. Three Days Later

**Three Days Later**

"Hey Adam!" Eliot looked over suspiciously as he glanced toward the man calling his 'name'.

"Yeah?" He set down his load as Michael came closer.

"Max says to grab a vest and rope and get out front."

"Does he now?" Eliot was trying to keep his anger under control but this job was starting to peeve him.  
Nate had moved him from the meat department over to dairy... a choice that had apparently been for everyone's 'safety' which he had reluctantly agreed with... but this, this was pushing things, even for Nate.

"Tyler called off." If that was supposed to be any way of explanation he didn't understand it.

"Did they call anyone else in?" There was the faintest of hopes that he'd only be covering the lot until backup showed but Michael's look crushed it.  
"Of course not.." Eliot huffed as he lifted his crate to return it to the cooler.

Michael just shook his head as he turned the other direction hearing the drifting complaints of, "Not in my job description" and, "Damn cheap asses" it was a song he knew well.

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"Thank you for calling Fred's Fresh mart, Mandy speaking... how may I help you?" Parker answered just like Nate had made her rehearse... that was a torture she wasn't sure she could live through again.

Apparently to do their job she needed to keep hers at the store.

"How am I supposed to know how much a sheet cake runs!" The look she gave her phone was filled with absolute filth and disgust.  
"You called customer service not the bakery!" Did it look like she had infinite knowledge of the stores departments.  
"No I do not have an attitude... I do not!... No you're out of line!"  
She ignored the angry rant in her ear as she tried to remember Nate's advice. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, let me transfer ya." And without asking if she could place the woman on hold she hit 3 officially making it someone else's problem.

Lifting a rag she began dusting the counter, suddenly realizing... bakery was line 4.  
She didn't do much more than glance at the phone before shrugging... that'd teach her.

After all the attitude comment had been unnecessary, not to mention untrue, and hurtful.

The softest of voices interrupted her chore. "Excuse me?"

She did not have an attitude. "What!"

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"Now this I can get used to." Hardison spoke happily as he situated some cans in a paper bag.

Sophie ignored his contentment as she passed back yet another coupon."I can't use that one either Sir."  
He had given her over a dozen and she'd already been forced to reject about half.

"Why the hell not!" It was probably safe to say he was getting angry.

"That one excludes trial sizes." These couponing rules were going to drive her insane.  
Between the expiration dates, brands, buying quantities, and actual taxes on the coupons themselves she doubted anything was actually being saved.

In fact she was all for not couponing... it would save them all some time and grief.

"Then take it off!"

She didn't need to be told twice but apparently Hardison did. "James!" He looked up with an actual question on his face and honestly? Where had he been this entire time? "The hand soap for Pete's sake!"

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Inspecting the shrink report Nate sighed.

It was a good thing that their missing inventory average had taken a dive but how it had was another story.

He supposed it could be because employees were doing better jobs, (Unlikely) or customers were becoming more honest, (Highly unlikely) or perhaps it was the fact that his team had scared away a good percentage of them. (Bingo)

They were supposed to be taking business away from their rival not sending the customers running for his door.  
At this rate it just might be time to start forming a plan C.

He was looking at plan B now though and he was fairly sure it'd work.  
Tomorrow was the start of a new sale and he was sure the ad alone had his competitors sweating.  
He knew he was.

They were all but giving the store away in a three day sale, the longest it could afford to go at prices like that before they started taking a loss, and if that didn't drag people in he didn't know what would.

With another sigh he stood to look out his office window.  
In less than a second he pulled the blind really wishing he hadn't.  
Why had Parker ever been allowed to step behind a courtesy desk?

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"Ever heard of a cart return!?" Eliot grumbled angrily as he slammed another cart into his line of them.  
"That's what they're there for." He was sweating half to death and he didn't appreciate people making his job harder because they were too lazy to make a short walk.

It was bad enough that he was put on the one task that was essentially useless.  
No matter how many carts he collected they'd still be gone by the time he got to the front end with the next row.  
Not to mention how infuriating it was to have his work constantly undone.

"Hey dude!"

He looked up just in time to see some young punk sailing a cart into his side.  
That was it.  
He was done.

He wasn't gonna take one more second of it.  
Not of the attitudes, the disrespect, or the outright stupidity.

He was done with this job.  
If he had to he'd-

"Watch where the hell you're going!"

With a growl he veered past the fool that had just pulled out in front of twenty carts ignoring the angry finger he got.  
"Just run me over why don't ya!  
Cuz ya know I was completely in your way!  
I wasn't standin' here the whole damn time!  
I just magically appeared with two dozen buggies!"

Oh yeah... he was going down to that store and one way or another he was going to get the information he needed.

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"You ought to be ashamed of yourself!"

Sophie was barely suppressing a laugh at Hardison's expense.

"I'm sorry ma'am." The glare he sent her way was just as entertaining.

"Honestly son how much of God's good sense did you use when you thought it'd be a good idea to put a package of cookies at the bottom of the bag?" She continued reprimanding as she rearranged the groceries in her paper sack.

"I can get you some new ones ma'am." He offered in an attempt to right things.

"That you can."

The insult he showed at being ordered had Sophie chuckling softly.

"You think the short comings of others is funny?"

She glared at Hardison as he left her to complete his task.  
A lecture would surely help this day speed along.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"Can you read!" Parker asked frustratedly.

"Can you?" Came an angry reply.

"You see this," She pointed to the ad. "It says while supplies LAST... obviously they didn't last!  
It doesn't say come whining to the customer service rep because you were too lazy to get here first thing!"

"I have a job!"

"So go do it! You're holding up my line!"

"You know what? I'd like to speak to your-"

"NEXT!"

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"Nate I-"

"Better get ready for phase two." He ignored what he was sure to be the beginnings of a resignation from Sophie.

"He showed up?" The delight on her face was a stark contrast to the exhaustion that had been on it mere seconds ago.

"Fifteen minutes ago, he's at his fathers store now."

"Lets go tell the others." She was pulling him from his chair and in a matter of moments they were descending the stairs to the sounds of angry voices.

"NO YOU'RE WRONG!"

"I'LL HAVE YOUR JOB!"

"YOU CAN TAKE IT! LETS SEE HOW YOU LIKE DEALING WITH PEOPLE LIKE YOURSELF ALL DAY!"

"Mandy!" Honestly what had he been thinking when he put her there?

"I QUIT!" And in less than a second Parker wasn't exiting the door but jumping over the counter.

Sophie simply watched her head upstairs as Nate began apologizing profusely to the customer.

That was until a horrible crashing sound echoed through the store followed by the blaring of multiple horns.

Within seconds every nosey busy body was at the door and Nate was doing his best to squeeze past them.  
A shout that was so angry and animalistic, almost like a battle cry, rang in his ears as he finally managed to push past.

He couldn't believe what he was seeing.  
He might have expected this from one of the others but from Eliot?  
He couldn't believe it.

"Oh my.." Sophie breathed as she put a hand on his forearm.

"Damn" Came Hardison's shock from the other side.

"That's gonna leave a mark." Parker's word seemed to hold excitement.

Nate shook his head with a slight laugh as he glanced between the three of them before hesitantly heading in Eliot's direction.

Everything they had survived...  
Everything they had been through...

Yet they couldn't manage a full weeks worth of shift work!


	3. The Next Evening

**The Next Evening**

"Man he dropped" Hardison whistled out apologetically.

"Like a stone" Eliot all but smiled.

"They always do." Nate guaranteed.

Sophie just shook her head at the three of them as she turned her attention back down the road.  
You really couldn't see much more than the gleam of squad lights for how chaotic it was down there.  
Jacob, their mark, was a control freak and she knew this had to be killing him which secretly made her very happy.  
If anyone deserved this it was him. Why with the misery he'd been dealing out he deserved this and oh so much worse.

"Hey," Hardison pulled everyone's attention off of the scene and to him. "Where's Parker?"

Eliot turned a knowing look to Nate even as he shook his head hoping for the contrary, "She wouldn't."

Despite Eliot's words he knew that Eliot knew she very much would. "We'd better go get her."

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A few minutes later Nate was pulling Lucille into the parking lot of 'Fred's Fresh mart'.

"What are we doing here?" Hardison questioned with displeasure.

"Indeed?" Sophie furthered Hardison's wonder.  
Just looking at the place had her feet and back aching in memory.  
If she never saw the place again it would be too soon for her liking.

"You'll see." Nate assured as he opened his door to the echoes of Eliot's slamming.

"Hey James!"

Hardison looked over just in time to rid the sour mood, his face breaking out in a huge grin, "Billy!"

"You traitor," The sandy haired man punched Hardison in the arm playfully. "I heard you moved to the front end."

Nate simply continued on as Hardison began the beginnings of an explanation.

"Where do you think she's at?" Eliot asked Nate as they walked through the doors and past  
Tyler, but not before glaring at him, who was arranging a row of carts. The kid didn't know the meaning of obligation.

"Take a wild guess." Nate turned to the left forgoing the main aisle and heading toward the checkouts.

"She wouldn't have." Sophie denied even as she caught on to their train of thought.

"Wouldn't she?" Nate stopped a few feet away from the customer service counter to point out one very angry Parker, complete in uniform.

"There's something wrong with her." Eliot shook his head as he turned the other way.

"Come on" Sophie pulled Nate's arm to get him to continue toward the resumed shouting.

"I don't care what John said *Brittany* this is my shift and you can't have it!" She was about ready to bodily remove the girl.

"You quit Mandy!" A short dark skinned girl yelled in exasperation.

"I did not quit!" Parker's face was turning redder than her polo.

"Yeah ya' did! And I don't know if you know this or not but once you quit you can't come back!"  
She'd be lying if she said she didn't believe the girl had a few screws loose.

"Yeah I can because this is my shift! It was scheduled to me and you can't take it!"

"Listen here…"

"No you both listen here," Brittany was cut off by an elderly man behind 'Mandy'.  
"I've been standing here for ten minutes now listening to this foolishness and I'm not going to have a second more of it.  
I don't care which one of you helps me but one of you better before I get riled."

"Maybe I can help you sir" Sophie showed just in time to steer the man away from an already heated situation.

"Max" Brittany pleaded. "Can you help me out here?"

Nate nodded at the poor girl before placing a hand on Parker's shoulder and all but ordering, "Come on Mandy, come this way."

"It's not fair Nate." Parker pouted even as she glared at a no longer looking Brittany.

"Sure it is." Nate assured as he steered her to the bench. "We took down Jacob and brought closure to all those people he hurt; we're done here."

"But this was my first real job… and I was good at it."

Nate tried not to choke on the laughter he was holding back at that declaration. Where had she been?  
Still he lied, "Yes you were Parker, but just think about what would happen if you stayed here." Surely it would include helicopters and a swat team.  
"You wouldn't be able to help us anymore and we wouldn't be able to help as many people because of it. You still want to help people don't you?"

"I guess" She relented as she pulled off the red polo leaving her to sport a white T-shirt. "But I'm gonna miss it."

"Why don't you go turn this in." Nate nodded his head toward the main offices as he passed her back the shirt.

"Alright" Soon enough she was gone and it left him looking around the place.

Eliot was a quick find; arranging groceries in an elderly woman's cart not six feet away.  
Sophie a harder target for the sole fact that she was barely recognizable behind the sales ad she and another woman were studying.  
Hardison he didn't bother to look for; it was probably safe to say he was still outside. Perhaps he'd taken some pity on Tyler.  
And Parker, well he just hoped that he still knew what she was up to.

With an amused smirk he stood shaking his head as he moved to the exit.  
They really hadn't done so bad… In fact he'd say they'd actually done good with all things considered.  
Maybe there was a place for them in the working world after all?

**The End**


End file.
